A CHILD OF GOD...

                        THAT’S WHO I AM

                                 By:  J. Colt Caldwell

     “Who I am is a child of God, that has been set free.  Called out, my chains have been loosed.  I am no longer captive, no longer a slave to addiction.  My name is James Colt Caldwell.  I am twenty-two years old.  I was an addict.  At the age of thirteen I had my first experience with cocaine.  By the age of fourteen I had fully sold myself into slavery.    The ‘master’ of my life had three names:  cocaine, alcohol, and pharmaceutical narcotics. My entire existence revolved around drugs. 

     Life was not fun unless I was high.  Although life was never fun to begin with, I found excitement in a secret life of drugs.  You see, ‘it’ goes further back then when I was thirteen years of age.  My father would disagree, but truth be told, I believe we were abused - my brother and I - mentally, sexually and physically.  And, as I can only really speak for myself; however,  I can say there was sexual abuse.

     I use the phrase ‘secret life’ because we were a ‘spot-light’ family.  We had a fairly large business in an extremely small community, therefore making us spot-light children.  However, behind the doors of our home was terror and inside myself, an unexplainable darkness.  I found it to be exciting to be on drugs and fool not only my family but the community also. 

     I use the phrase ’secret life’ because we were a ’spotlight’ family.  We had a fairly large business in an extremely small community, therefore making us spotlight children.  However, behind the doors of our home was terror and inside myself, an unexplainable darkness.   I found it exciting to be on drugs and fool not only my family but the community also.

     As a very outspoken and opinionated child, my actions would always lead to a more severe discipline than that which was

bestowed upon my brother.  As a result of these disciplinary actions, I became very withdrawn from all people.  Living in constant fear, I found comfort and fantasy in drugs.  My quite withdrawn behavior not only made me the ‘black sheep’ of the family, but also at school.  I would face ridicule and judgment from my peers because my behavior was different from theirs.  I shared myself with no one; they did not understand me.

Many of these accusations and name-calling sessions were often led by my very own brother who would call me out in a crowd or shout a name as I walked across the school yard.  His actions, obviously, winning him the acceptance we as children so desperately needed.  I found my acceptance in drugs. Not wanting to face reality, I created my own.  I also found acceptance with the teachers and academics.  Not wanting to give too much of myself or interfere with my drug use, I halfway applied myself and managed to graduate with my test scores at a perfect 4.0.  This amazed everyone at school, but no one at home.  I was driven further into addiction.

      Between the ages of thirteen and twenty-one, I was involved in a downward spiral of sin, so deep and so awful.  I involved myself in sex parties and extreme drug and alcohol use resulting in overdoses, hospitalization, psychiatric care, depression and attempted suicide.  It was at the age of nineteen I stood in  a field  working as a farm hand, addicted to drugs, contemplating suicide out of disgust of what I had become.  At that very moment, God spoke and He spoke in an audible voice directly to me.  He told me that He had more for me - a better life.  Above all else, He had an abundance of love if I would only come to Him.

     I knew nothing of this God who spoke to me.  I had never been to church except for an occasional Sunday at a very early age.  However, something inside me knew that this voice was God Almighty, Creator of all.  The following Sunday, scared to death of what might happen and ‘high as a kite’ (on drugs), I dressed like the people I had seen dressed on Sunday.  I went to church.  I played church for about six months - all the while hearing the voice of God quickening my attention when I would think the church scene to be a façade.  However, on July 20, 2004, I gave my soul to Jesus as Lord and Savior. 

Although I gave my soul to Jesus, I was still an addict.  I knew God would deliver me.  He said He would.  My Christian years as an addict were the worst!  I was comfortable in my drugs, but God wanted to change that.  I was hesitant to let Him.

 The more I learned about God, the more I desired to change.  Over the course of a year and a half, God would allow me to go so deep into addiction, I would absolutely despise every minute of my life, causing my desire to change to become even greater.

     My worst years as a addict started when I gave myself to God...and for that I thank Him!  My cry became so great to God for freedom.  In October 2005, the Lord had me sell all I owned out of my two-story townhouse.  I was reduced to two suitcases as I followed God’s leading.  On November 1, 2005, I admitted myself into a one-year Christian residential rehabilitation and discipleship program at Teen Challenge International. 

I successfully completed that program on October 26, 2006.  Through a series of visions and hearing the Lord’s voice, He has made known to me that I am to be a missionary to African orphanages.  I gratefully accept this calling upon my life and plan to fulfill it.

     With the help of Northern Florida Christian Center Church congregation and other support systems God has provided, I am now receiving my missionary training at Christ for the Nations Institute in Dallas, Texas.   I ask for your prayerful support as I pray  God may bless all who read these words.  May He set all the captives free.”

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(Retha’s note:  Through Colt’s longtime friend and  mentor, Deborah ‘Jamie’ Pittman, a member of our church, Colt came to our church about two years ago, drug-addicted, beaten down physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  When he came back from Teen Challenge last November, everything about him had changed so much, we hardly recognized him!! Our church congregation raised his first semester’s tuition at CFNI.  He has a part-time job as he attends classes and lives on campus in Dallas.  His word about CFNI, “There is nowhere else on earth I would rather be...I am thrilled with this place.”  He breaks into tears remembering the outpouring of love from this congregation.  He said his brief time here was “like sitting on a Christian mother’s lap and being loved.” We are so pleased we were able to help Colt.)

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